I'm Moving On
by Kitty Rasputin
Summary: Kitty's feelings as she leaves the X-Men. Based off of X-Men 110.


I'm Moving On

_I've dealt with my ghosts and I've faced all my demons_

_I'm finally content with a past I regret_

I've seen a lot of things that I didn't like these past few years. I've had friends and loved ones die while I could do nothing about it. I've lost more people in my life than I ever could have believed possible. Doug. Illyana. Rachel. Pete Wisdom. I've had to bury them all. I've had to deal with their ghosts running my life If I spend too much time thinking about it, I might cry.

I've been to the end of the universe and back. I've fought monsters, demons, and occasionally myself. I could have done things differently. I could have stayed home and pretended I was normal. Instead, I came here and my world turned upside down. I learned to fight. I even killed somebody once. I regret not being a different person. I regret not taking better care of myself before taking care of everybody else.

_I finally found strength in your moment of weakness_

_For once, I'm at peace with myself_

When you sacrificed yourself to help the rest of the world, I finally understood the fight that we were facing. You didn't die in the heat of battle. You did what you thought had to be done because of Illyana. You felt you had failed to protect her when there was nothing you could have done. You felt that you were weak because you could not save her. Even after you've died, I feel you strength helping me decide what to do. The freedom of choice is making me feel more peaceful than I have in years. I don't have to fight now.

_I've been burdened with blame, trapped in the past for too long_

_I'm moving on_

I thought that I could save the world. I blamed myself when it didn't happen. I've been trying to be a superhero these past few years just because that is what I've been for so long. I don't want to live my life that way anymore. The fact is that I haven't wanted to be a superhero for a long time. I just never had the guts to do anything about it. It's time that changed.

_I've lived in this place and I know all the faces_

_Each one is different, but they're always the same_

_They mean me no harm, but it's time that I faced it_

_They'll never allow me to change_

_I never dreamed home would end up where I don't belong_

_I'm moving on_

I've been here for too long. Everybody knows me for who I was when I got here. They don't mean to do it, but they still want to see me as the scared, little thirteen year-old. They can't see that I've changed. They can't see that I'm growing up. They've been my family for a long time. This place has become home to me. I don't belong here anymore, though. I've got to get out and get on with the rest of my life.

_I'm moving on_

_At last I can see, life has been patiently waiting for me_

I'm getting out of here. I've had the chance to be normal before. I think I might go to college and get another degree. I can do something worthwhile with my life that doesn't involve fighting. I'm smart. Maybe I can accomplish something that nobody else can. Who knows? I might even save the world again. At least I'll get the chance to prove that I can do something on my own.

_And I know, there's no guarantees but I'll die alone_

I used to think that if I left the X-Men for a normal life, I would settle down and have a family. I don't think that's an option anymore. The man I have loved for half of my life is dead. I feel as though I'll never be whole again. There are some things that you don't want to move on with. I've done it before and found Pete Wisdom. Still, that was a mistake. I never could have loved him as much as I loved Piotr. If I make it through this life, I will be by myself.

_There comes a time in everyone's life when all they can see is the years passing by_

_And I know that those days are gone_

I've felt like my life has just been slipping away into an endless blur of fighting to save the world or the universe. I can barely keep track of it all. I've been doing this for over five years now. I can't even tell you how many monsters, demons, and aliens I've gone up against. That's not to mention all of the humans that hate us and the mutants that crave world domination. I can't live like this anymore. I don't want to be in space during my next birthday. I don't want to be terrified for my life every second of every day. I want a normal life.

_I sold what I could and packed what I couldn't_

_Stopped to fill up on my way out of town_

I've left only a few things at Xavier's. The rest of it I packed with me when I went to Russia. Flying on a regular aircraft felt strange. After being in the Blackbird where I could get to Russia and back in about two hours, it felt like we were crawling across the sky. I don't think I will come back to Westchester. At the very least, it won't be for a very long time. I have to figure out who I am. The girl under the tights has become a stranger to me. Being a superhero became the only option for me the past few years. Maybe I was scared that there was nothing else I could do.

_I've loved like I should, but lived like I shouldn't_

_I had to lose everything to find out_

_Maybe forgiveness will find me somewhere down this road_

_I'm moving on_

I feel that I had one of the greatest loves in the world when I think about Piotr. I would have to rank us right up there with Romeo and Juliet. I don't believe that my life would have been half as wonderful if he had not been there to share it with. At the moment, though, I think about all the time I have wasted playing the superhero. I could have been studying physics to make science a more exciting field. I lost contact with my real family while I have been pretending to have a family with the X-Men. I feel as though I haven't just lost my best friend. I've lost my faith in Xavier's dream. Oh, I know that it isn't that far of a stretch. I believe that someday humans and mutants might live peacefully. I just don't think that I want to be part of it anymore. Maybe I'll feel better after I have gotten used to my new life. Maybe then I won't feel as though I am selfishly abandoning my teammates for a normal life. I might even get used to taking care of myself first. Either way, my new life starts now.

_I'm moving on_

_I'm moving on_

This is my first, and quite possibly last, songfic. I thought that this song would fit perfectly with Kitty's mood. It's Rascal Flatt's "I'm Moving On". If you liked it or even if you hated it, please review. I'd really like to know what you think.


End file.
